Reflecting On My New Choice Of Life.

On Sunday, I thought things were looking up. I attended a Church 15 miles away from my home and recited the Lord’s Prayer in French for the parishioners and in remembrance of Father Jacques Hamel. It was an honor to have accepted this invitation in remembrance of this retired eighty-four years old Priest whom had been prematurely murdered by having his throat slit in front of the whole congregation.


Father Daniel read out in church that his Eminence the Pope had declared that the world was at war, not only at war using firearms but personally at war with one another. A war of racism. We continuously persecute one another and defend our actions as if we had the right to persecute others. As modern and digital as our life is, life itself does not seem to have improved racial equality. We are in modern times that we seemed to have just fallen into a deep dark pit of Hell. Are we waiting to go up to heaven before we learn to get on with our fellow brothers and sisters.


I somehow think, we are missing the point. We are intend on this perception of Heaven and Hell and should we not be living for the moment. How are we waiting for the another good peaceful times. We need to act now, we need to speak up and not allow our peer pressures to sway us down the garden path. A simple kind act and gesture towards one another is all that is needed.


As I listened to the Father’s sermon, I fell in total agreement with him. What are we doing? Yet! We do nothing to rectify these actions and unwarranted feelings. As we went out, we stood congregated and spoke of this tragic topic and everyone seemed to be an expert in the ‘Ought To Be Solutions’ and none of the mentions warranted to be uttered. There is so much racism and hatred among one another.


How can I rectify this ongoing and growing problem? It dawned on me that all that I could do was to be humane towards others, that I should be empathetic and help any man or woman that asks for assistance. As I made my way back, I sat waffling along until I reached my destination. Then, it was time to reflect as I boarded and sat inside the tram.


Again, the Father’s sermon twirled around in my head. sat on the tram, I noticed they were so many people, of all different races and different cultures. I wanted to show them that I was no different to them, so I smiled and subconsciously sent my best wishes to them all and I continued to pray to God, I thanked him for showing me the way. Showing me the way by making me realize that once again that all I had to do was to accept each moment. So, why can we not all do the same?


However, Monday came and I had found myself in a situation where I had no choice but to let it be and accept the moment. Throughout the day, I found myself crying and just crying. I knew that something I had undertaken, I had to do, it is part of our survival. When you need money, you have to go out to work.


So, I accepted and went to work. However, there is a difference between a gut feeling and that of one of just plain fear. I went to work and as I did the hygiene cares, I realized that I no longer could physically cope with this aspect of the work. I am only forty-nine years old, yet, I was physically hurting and found myself close to tears once more.


As I returned home, I had found myself to be a nervous wreck. I couldn’t face anyone. Since my return, I have held in my tears so not to look a mess for another interview this very afternoon. This is a different type of sector work, I have never attempted this sector but a new change is very welcome at this point in time in my life.


I thought that being a graduate and possessing ‘Great Skills’ that I would find a part time job in other sectors easily but I was so mistaken. Yet! I do have good skills and a good education, so why am I in such a rut. Then, as I strolled through my website, I realized that my potentials are endless. What ever someone wants, they can go out there and get what ever they so desired!


Hence, I reflected on what my life had given me. I realized that I am a good writer, I have created websites, attempted online learning with great success. This to me made me think twice about how I was approaching life. I should just express what I would like to do. I know that I want to write, I love research, especially on history and holistic therapy.


I have a passion for living life to the full. How I can sit back and feel sorry for myself when there is so much to do out there in the world. I am studying three course right now. Putting all my time in research for my website and my practice. My partner stands by me no matter what decision I make. I am lucky I am in this world and not the last.


Being in this world allows prospective enlightenment and positive encounters. Digital worlds has opened up many avenues and I am going to grab them all. Should I fall down, I will attempt to get back up and start again and again until I physically can no longer do so.


Who ever reads this, I hope if you are having troubles moving on, just do it. No point in moaning about what you hate just take that brave bold step and just attempt what you would like to achieve. Take courses to improve your chances and just do it.


I will attend my interview and do my best to get that job but when I return home, I will do everything in my power to increase my chances to work online, with legitimate places. I have this passion and I will achieve it. I love my holistic therapy and I will go on to grow that enterprise but my travelling is calling me to work online. I intend to not only work online but to do what I have a passion for, and that is to help others.

Now, I have vented, I feel a lot better and I see clearer. Unfortunately it does not solve the world’s crimes but it will hopefully render me to pursue my dreams, my reality. I am thankful for everything that I have and I am positive of the outcomes. I am grateful of the good friends that support me and I have a loving family. What more could I want from life.